Four Days

Four Days...

Static in training. I've been sidelined. I'm not ready to admit I'm injured, but the two six mile runs over the weekend put my knees into a bad way at work. I have the luxury this month to have four days off and still have a chance to hit my one-hundred mile goal. I will complete the goal with a five mile run on Friday; God willing. Hopefully four days will be enough to shake off what's left of any inflammation. I'm on day two and feel like I could have run it today. For once though, I'm going to play it safe and take the whole four days and continue a stretching regimen.

Sometimes things like injuries and setbacks in life are demoralizing. There is this heart-hurt that happens when our spirits desire to do what our bodies cannot do, at least when we want them to.

Friday I'm gonna run. If I run without pain, I'm gonna laugh and run like the devil. But if I take a knee, I'm going to have to quit this one-hundred mile challenge and call myself injured, taking the necessary steps to rehab my legs. Wish me luck.

Sing.
Migrate.

The Beast That Chases

I work in an environment that sees a lot of death; death everyday. Although I am sentimental, I am not particularly emotional in my nature. I joke instead. If you walk into a room where I am doing CPR, you will likely laugh at me, but feel guilty at laughing at my irreverence for this moment in this person's life that may be the second most defining moment they have experienced, right after birth. The patient may die and I will walk out of the room, wipe off the sweat, and go about the rest of my day as if someone with a soul and deep thoughts hadn't just ended his stay here in this world beneath my pumping hands. Their family will scream and fall on top of him or her and wail and need a dozen boxes of Kleenex. I am sentimental, so I am usually good with families in distressing times, but I am not particularly emotional so I won't cry with them. In fact, I will forget about them in a days time, maybe before my badge swipes into another twelve hour shift.

This doesn't mean I don't feel it. We all feel the dread of death. I lost my best friend/brother on Christmas of 2009. I have felt the thickness of grief and have been in the valley of the shadow of death. I understand the emotions that death and even the thought of death bring. But I do not express it emotionally, only sentimentally, with words written down.

The truth is that death leaves a heaviness in my guts; a heaviness that has to be lifted. So I run. My co-workers don't see me experience the weight, but they also don't understand why I will run everyday after a 12 hour work day. I run so I can smile and be free of the things that cause heaviness in the guts. When I run, sometimes I can feel it leaving. Sometimes I can feel it fighting back, trying to remain. I get angry and push harder, gasping for breath, determined to outrun the beast that chases me.

Until it's gone.



Sing.
Migrate.

Training Log 2.13-2.19

Training log from 2/13-2/19

 

2.13- Four miles around the house- pain in both knees and the right hip. Uneven surface and uncleared walks. Cold to the bones. Am I hurt or injured? Hurt.

 

2.15- Four miles. Again the pain. Starting to nag at me, forcing me to stop to stretch every 3/4 mile or so. Ran decently fast for the surface at 08:40/mile. I've sworn off Yaktrax for the season as I believe they are adding to the pain problems by forcing my feet side to side. Not sure though. Am I hurt or injured? Hurt.

 

2.16- Five miles. First half was encouraging with the knees. Hip was numb, but the knees started rattling at 2.5 and made the rest of the run pretty miserable. Still cold, negative wind chill. I should run later in the day on these cold days. Am I hurt or injured? Hurt.

 

2.17- Four miles. 3rd worst run this year. Pace was crawl, legs hurt from the first mile on. The snow has melted on the walk. These are my least favorite conditions to run in. Every step brings with it a white slurpee that kicks piles onto the other foot. Temp was lower and comfortable, but I'd take sub-zero over water-logged socks. Holding back swears every time I splash into an unseen puddle. Had to stop every half mile to stretch the knees. Took to the street for a few, but cars purposely speeding up and splashing me. Am I hurt or injured? Hurt?

 

2.19- Warmest day since Jan. 1 and I am on the treadmill. I hate the mill, but I need a flat surface. Waited for the pain at mile 1.3, but it never really came in full force. I felt it, but it wasn't stopping me. Left the gym feeling good about it. I think I'll have to keep to the mill until the pain is dulled or gone. Am I hurt or injured? Hurt.

 

Excited for the Rock CF half marathon next month. I have a lot of friends running it, so I am excited to run with familair faces. I have no aspirations of trying to run it fast, I'm going to loaf it laughing. February having 28 days is a serious detriment to my ninth straight month of running 100 miles or more. This has been the first time I doubted reaching it. 74.6 miles down with 9 days remaining. I'll hopefully get in two days off before I begin my quest to defeat March.

 

Sing.

Migrate.

Training Report 2/8-2/12

Interesting last few days. 2/8- 2/12

Sat. 2/8- Four miler around the neighborhood. Bad footing still due to ice refrozen beneath the snow, after a fresh 2 1/2 inches. Used the Yaktrax for this one. Ran at a 09:17 pace, which isn't disappointing for me considering the conditions.

2/10- Ran 11.2 with Tim Johnson (Teeeeeej) and David White (My new friend who hasn't been given his nickname yet). 9:45/mi pace with a major stop due to incapability issues between the Gu I ate and my stomach. Thanks God for little hole in the wall diners. Tweaked my left knee somewhere during mile 10. Felt a twinge, but felt it really good later. Hip has been bugging me for a week or so, tolerable, but now a little more tender. Felt good with the distance, could have gone much further I think. Taking the day off on the 15th to rest my pains.

2/12- 5.1 at Gallup Park in Ann Arbor on the way home from a work thing. Trail was clear and pretty. Felt the knee and hip, but got through encouraged that the damage isn't serious. Still concerned mildly about it. I will probably run three more 4 milers this week depending on pain.

I'm on month 8 of my goal of an entire year running 100 miles per month. Last month was difficult due to weather, but I succeeded. I am ahead of the game right now at 49.6 miles behind me with 15 days remaining.

Feeling a bit discouraged with the pain in the legs. I don't get tired anymore and feel like I want to set really big goals, but every time I turn a corner, my joints revolt. The upside is that I think the uneven surfaces from running almost exclusively outdoors have strengthened my legs and helped my stamina. I just hope my joints will be ready for the rigors of a marathon and it's training schedule. My spirit feels ready now.



Sing.
Migrate.

Beginnings

You step out the door into the night air. Your breath billows clouds from your mouth. The air is so dry and crisp you can actually feel it as it fills your lungs. You look around at your neighborhood and all are asleep. The neighborhood that used to glimmer with lights is now dark and cold. The drips from the ice-cycles that fell in the sun have frozen again, advancing the length of the crystal scepter. You take a deep breath and produce a dense fog, running through it as it dissipates into the air. This will be the start of your day. It might as well be the start of your life. This run is the only thing going on in your mind. All of the stress is gone. There is only you and the air you suck in and blow out as the blood pumps faster and faster to your organs. The heat inside will become heat outside soon as you wince in the cold air.

The demons of yesterday are defeated with every mile. There is no better way to gain control over what happens in your life than sweating and panting as the rest are comfortable on their couches and beds. Beating your body into submission is the ultimate meditation. You fight and you win and you breathe. You learn the most efficient way to breathe and move and push yourself past the things you never thought you could do. This has become my addiction.

I started running at the beckoning of my wife who had been running for a year. She told me she wanted to have a hobby other than television in common with me. She had signed up for the St. Patrick's Day Corktown 2011 5K and asked me to run too. I told her no way. Running is terrible and I would stick to weight lifting and cross-training. As the date closed in, I looked at the tech shirt and said, "Cool shirt, maybe I'll run it." I ran 1.5 miles on the treadmill that day and got off in boredom, assuming that if I can run 1.5, I can run 3.1. So that was that. My wife rolled her eyes at me because I have always been cocky and this is her normal response to that. I ran the 5K without any real incident. I limped the last half mile or so do to a calf cramp, but ended up crossing the finish line in 33:19.

I thought the run sucked so I decided not to run again. So I didn't until one day out of boredom in my workout routine I stepped onto the treadmill during a time that my anxiety problem was bad. I started running and things started to feel different. My sweat became a release. I turned the mill up and ran faster and realized that something in me was changing.

Running is tailor made to my disposition. I am terribly competitive if you challenge me and never really shook off that grundge 90's teenage angst. Running gave me a constant competitor...myself. If I win or lose, it will be my victory or my defeat. I can own it and blame no one.

I needed a channel to put my bad things. This was the perfect place to leave my anger...underfoot in the miles beneath me. I've come a long way through injuries and disappointment and success. Running is now more who I am than what I do.




Sing.
Migrate.

An Introduction

"I've been running a lot for the past 6 months. I think I can't stay away from the feeling of balance and gratitude I get when I have to fight, and win.

Today it was raining freezing water onto the earth by my house. I got home from work dreading the feeling of ice cold water dripping down the middle of my back, paralyzing me with that awful bone chill. I put on my shoes and my gamer wife strapped on hers too, even when she was sick today. We set off for 5 miles in this mess. During my first quarter mile I stepped in my first huge puddle and filled my shoes with cold gelatinous fluid hell bent on wrapping it's tentacles around each individual toe and strangling it to death. I then repeated the puddle incident over and over for the next 48 minutes. When I got home, I got in the shower filled with endorphins from my victory over the elements and my own personal discomfort. As I was feeling the stabbing pain of my sensation coming back into my toes as the hot water thawed them, I had a thought. Very rare thought. It is when the conditions are uncomfortable that you really learn to fight. When you are wanting out and fight to the death you build perseverance. This is mental training. These are the times that you really get the good stuff. You may hate it at the time, but when it's over and you are still standing, you realize that there isn't much that can stop you. 

The wise runner will lace them up in 6 inches of snow, icy sidewalks and trails, freezing rain, staggering wind, the dead of night, the mist of the morning, in anger and sadness, when ill, when exhausted from a horrendous day at work, when your legs hurt, and especially when you want to give up. These are the very moments that train you to push on both to the next mile and in your life."

The above was a post I wrote a couple of months ago before the "Polar Tarantula" or whatever descended from Santa's home to mine. Almost two solid months of the worst running conditions possible. Snow, ice, -30 Degrees, wind, snow, -40 degrees. I hate running indoors. I didn't get addicted to running by running indoors. I want to see the world, even if it is the same stretch of world many times a week. I get to be chased by dogs and slip and fall dodging a car. I get to step in cold puddles and battle my bowels with only trees in sight. 

This blog will speak about my own personal experience with running and with life. I'll post running logs, race journals, and minor and major victories and defeats on my way to running my first full marathon next October. 

If you have been reading my insearchofwhales.com blogs, I will be ending these the same way as I end those; with the words "Sing." "Migrate." For those new to my blogs, these words are referencing studies that have shown that whales in captivity do not sing as they do when in the wild. When in the wild, whales sing to find each other and migrate to find one another. In captivity, there is no one to find and no where to go. This has inspired my life because I believe we are nothing without each other and need each other desperately for happiness. So I sing and I migrate, in search of the rest of you. 

Sing.
Migrate.