Twenty-six Point Two

This was it. The one day that I trained 4 months to get to. Here is my detailed account starting from the night before.

The night before...
We checked into the Marriott in the Rec Cen in early evening. Laura and I had our nerves as about as high as they could be. I've been nervous about big events before, but never like this. Later in the night as I lay in the dark listening to the breathing going on in the room, I compared it too what the night before a battle would feel like. This was a tired exaggeration of course. We went out and got dinner with some friends in the city and headed off to the expo at Cobo to get our bibs and our annual race photo together. We went back to the hotel and after some complications finally got to bed at 11:30PM. I was nervous about not getting enough sleep because I work midnights, so I woke up early the day before to accommodate. I fell asleep right away.

2:30 the day of...
I woke up to frost on the glass window overlooking the entire city. I could tell it would be getting colder and this would be a rough start. I closed my eyes, but found nothing but my racing mind. There were a lot of things going through my head. I was injured so badly that I didn't run for 13 days prior. I hadn't run for 13 days prior, so that scared me too. Maybe I had gotten out of shape. This race was six miles longer than my longest and most miserable run in my life. Maybe the worst was the fear that I would fight this battle and give all that I had and it would still not be enough. My last run was an eight miler after work that I felt knee pain at mile three. I had nothing but failure in my head. I didn't fall asleep again.

5:30 AM...
I got up and dressed quietly, trying not to wake my children or their aunt who was so awesome to bring them to cheer us on. Laura and I were still just nerves. We bickered a bit and let the anxiety set in a little more. I looked out at the city that slept through the frosted window and decided to allow myself to let go. I wasn't going to be afraid from this moment further.

7:00 AM...
The gun. The music. The crowd. The horns. The shouting. We found our friends and exchanged hugs and handshakes. All acknowledging the work it took us all to get here. There isn't a lot of things that could get you closer to another person than experiencing misery running under the hot sun together. Me and Brian (my training partner and good friend) have done this before, but never to this magnitude. When we crossed the start, I felt like sprinting.

Mile 3ish...
We were about to get on the bridge to Canada and I already felt my left knee stabbing me and my hip aching. Mentally, I still wanted to sprint and from now and for the next bunch of miles, Brian would have to keep pulling my pace back. My anxiety made me want to get the race done with. I turned my watch to just the time so I could listen to my body and stop obsessing over information. The bridge uphill wasn't difficult at all. It's my favorite part of the race. The downhill hurt my knee and hip badly and heading into Canada was when my doubt started.

Mile 7ish...
We entered the tunnel at a faster pace than we had planned for. I had pushed the pace I think and on the initial downhill, I was almost sprinting. I'm not sure why, but I suspect my anxiety was still present. We got through the uphill and out of the tunnel (the world's only underwater mile) and into the cold air again. By this time I had shed all of my throw away outer wear. I was in race mode now and my mind was allowing me to settle in for the long haul. I had done this distance before and after the tunnel is the home stretch in a half, so I knew that this was almost half way and going to be a long race. It was nice to see the crowd support on the other side of the border. We were doing very well at this point. I had pain, but I thought maybe I could endure it.

Mile 11ish...
We were running though Mexican Village when I doubted I could finish. The knee was the biggest issue. Every step was a knife into my flesh. I thought several times that I should just veer off when the half marathoners separated from the full. This persisted.

Mile 13.1...
I stayed the course because no one claims victory when they have given up. Four months of training brought me here, so a couple more hours was worth the pain. After the half mark, the crowd dispersed and the terrain got ugly. There is no one on this stretch of the race for 2-3 miles. I had a preview of this portion from the RunDetroit 18 mile training run. I didn't like it then and I wasn't to like it now. I ran it fast however. I felt the pain, but I thought about the people that got me here...the people I wrote about in my last blog. At mile 14ish, I saw TJ, my dear friend, who had come to cheer his friends on. He was in the right place as this was an under-cheered section of the course. He ran about a tenth with me, asking if I needed anything at all. I told him it hurt everywhere, but I was ok. Honestly, this was the push I needed. I stopped feeling much pain and pushed on at a good pace through Indian Village and into the dreaded "Wall."

Mile 20ish...
I told Brian on Belle Ile to go for it. Our plan was to run a steady 9:30ish pace, then give it our best for the last six miles and end up with sub-4hr times. I was limping at this point and I knew I couldn't hit sub-4. He looked strong, so I told him to leave me. He looked back a couple of times to see where I was, but I looked away from him. He is a great guy and I didn't want him to feel the need to stick with me. He was on target and I was an anchor now. My pace was slowing and I was beginning to gallup. I wanted him to give the best he had.

Mile 22ish...
Finally off of Belle Ile and feeling terrible. People were dropping like flies on the bridge back to the city. The crowd support began to grow and people were handing out love like it was Woodstock. TJ met me there again. I knew I looked bad by looking at him. He ran another 10th with me, telling me things that would push me forward. His help could not have been bought. People were looking at my green bib, knowing it meant it was my first marathon and giving me special attention and encouragement. It worked to keep me moving, but my legs were all done. I tried to do some butt kicks to stretch the knee without stopping, but the butt kicks led to hamstring cramps. I decided to take the path of least resistance. I would move slowly but always forward without stopping.

Mile 25ish...
I had been waiting so see my children the entire race. I thought of Will and of my wife and how she hugged me in the middle of the street on Christmas 2009, knowing I was lost. I thought of all of the things that made me want to bring myself to this exhaustion. I pushed forward slowly. At this point I was barely moving, but I wasn't going to quit and I wasn't going to let my body tell me that I couldn't do it. I saw my kids with their aunt Kelley at mile 25.5 when they screamed my name. I was in a different world, so they had to shout a lot for me to notice. I touched their hands with mine and kept going. If I had stopped for any longer I would have broken down sobbing. I had to move forward.

Twenty-six point two...
I turned the corner and finally saw the finish line. I held back emotion so I could keep moving. The crowd was loud and I heard the cowbells and shouting. I heard everyone I loved shouting for me in my head. In my life, I haven't had it easy. I've had to just move forward, inch by inch. One step in front of another. I had achieved what the majority of people in my life thought was impossible for me. Now I had achieved what 0.5% of Americans have done. I crossed the finish line running twenty-six point two miles. I wanted to break down, but I needed to move forward and see if Brian had done it. He fell just short by 6 minutes. We embraced and were happy. We had both left all that we had on that pavement.


5 days later...
I waited to write this because I wanted to have an objective assessment of the race and of my plans. At first and for the next few days, I vowed to never run a marathon again. I said it wasn't my race. One of my legs is shorter than the other and I am at a disadvantage. After a few days to get pissed at not reaching my goal by 21 minutes, I have decided that I can't let it go. This is a race that I must run again and be happy with. While I do feel accomplished and I know I was injured going in, I still feel like I am so much better than I performed. This was probably why they tell you that your first marathon should be focused just on finishing. Well the next marathon, I will take what I have learned and run smarter, eat better, and be faster than the last.


This isn't the end of this blog. I will be documenting my running journey and life as it relates often. I would love for you to join me.





Sing.
Migrate.

Week XVIII (Race Week)

Race Week
26.2 miles

Here is why I am running this marathon. This has no order, but the numbers are based on when I'll need you the most in this race.

Without you, my life would be be void.

Mile 1- Laura- She is everything I have wanted to be my entire life. She is the reason I have a drive to live at all. All of my blood and sweat belongs to her. Mile one means I'm just getting started, which was the message she has always given me.
Mile 2- Caeden- He is both his mother and I. He worries and yet he perseveres. My son. You will be on my mind the entire race. When I doubt, I'll think of you and keep fighting.
Mile 3- Aevry- Once, she instantly mended my broken heart by giving me hers. My Daughter who leaves me notes and thinks of things so thoughtful that no one could imagine.
Mile-4- Olivia- I was robbed of you. I never gave up and I would never give in. I smile when I think of you.
Mile 5- Mom- She raised us with nothing and worked so hard to give us something. She fought until bloody and still stands.
Mile 6- Jason- Coffman We weren't as close as I wished we could have been, but we grew up side by side. We had different viewpoints, but the same heart.
Mile 7- Mrs. Hughes- You asked me once when I hated you for being hard on me if my father was around. I didn't answer, but you knew. You loved me more than the rest because of it.
Mile 8- My father, because F him for missing out. I'll run this mile in anger and finish it with a smile, knowing I am stronger than he was. Forgiveness of you is my second greatest battle, right behind myself. I'll run this mile in anger.
Mile 9- Jon Stewart- You brought me back to real life. You showed me that there is something out there that isn't generic and invited me to live in it with you.
Mile 10- Jim Stewart- I sat on a roof with you and you taught me that the world isn't so bad as long as you have God. I've learned to live this way.
Mile 11- Brandy Mattice- I have no idea where you are, but in the fifth grade you wrote something on the back page of my yearbook that took too much space for my liking. You told me not to stay in the shadows for too long and to lead because that is what I was born to do. I will never forget this was from a 10 year old.
Mile 12- Nicole Moore and her mom- This was my first job trying to help people. Nicole encouraged me and empowered me. Nicole's mom sent me a letter telling me the same thing that Brandy did 13 years later. I was something that God wanted to use.
Mile 13- Scott Shatzer- You may not know it, but you are a really great guy. You are one of the few people I genuinely trust. When I look at you I see a person that is pure at heart.
Mile 14- Eloise Ayers- You hated me from start to finish and told me I'd never be anything. You tried to steal my joy of being in high school, but you failed. This mile will be run against you and smiling. Mile 15- Kathleen- No haven't had much, but your loyalty to those you love has taught me that you choose your family and your family means everything.
Mile 16- Jeff Coaty- I bullied you in school. You grew bigger and stronger and became one of my brothers. There were a lot of people at Will's funeral and a lot of things said to me. One of the most comforting was you pulling my head to yours and weeping with me. You knew there weren't words to say.
Mile 17- Dave McWhorter- You are my mentor. Even if I'm not a pastor anymore, you taught me that people are going to hurt you even if you are loving them. Love them anyway and NOTHING IS BIGGER THAN THE CROSS. You were a major part of me becoming a man.
Mile 18- Jerame- You may think I've left, but I haven't. I'm letting you be a man now. You are a strong kid. You reminded me that I am useful and that I did something to better this world.
Mile 19- Andy- You are forever my brother. We would meet hell for each other. There are no words brother. You carry me
Mile 20- Patrick- You were the first student I had that I saw myself in. I have taken great joy in watching you grow. I have never been prouder of you in my life.
Mile 21- Josh Condon- You are literally always on my mind. You have been with me through everything. Joy and pain, music and sorrow. You're a brother to me. I'd never sing without you.
Mile 22- Jo-ann- My other mother. You are stronger than me. You are the strength that reminds me that I can keep going.
Mile 23- Audrey- I never had a sister, but I doubt that she would be anywhere near as loving as you. There isn't a bigger heart than yours.
Mile 24- Jim Doederlein- I didn't have a real dad, so you became him. You may not have all of the answers to fix everything, but you had the right ones to help fix me.
Mile 25- Joe- One of the last. The Dead End Kids. 2/3 Bearded. Nothing will be what is was. We can't go back, but we can lean on each other for strength. The Dead End Kids move forward always.
Mile 26- Will- I lost you. It was as much my mistake as anyone else's. I've been broken since you left and that isn't likely to change, but I've fought so hard. I'll finish this race for you and me. I'll bear the weight my brother. I'll finally run down the demons.
Mile .20- Me- This part is for me. I've fought hard and will finish standing. Our lives are so much more than our own strength. God puts people in our lives to make us what we are. We may break and we may collapse, but God will lift us. All 26 of you have picked me up out of the mud. This last .20 is for my own strength to endure this life.


Sing.
Migrate.

Week XVII

Week XVII
8 miles

I'm injured. I ran my 8 mile long run of the week on Monday and had significant pain the whole way. I finished the run, but I'm not going to finish the week...or the next. I need to rest until the race if I have any shot at all of finishing.

I'm grasping at straws now. All research and knowledge I have acquired is mute because I have a very real injury.

Despite the injury, I have come too far to cower. I will run this race and I will run it with every last bit of me that is left. I'm taking the last two weeks off to give me the best chance of rest. I'm going to gut this one out. I'm going to take all of the anger and grief and pride and heartbreak and make it propel my broken legs to the finish if I have to.

Sing.
Migrate.

Week XVI

Week XVI
17.09 miles

Taper Week 1

Started the week with a trail run after work with my work running group. It felt ok. The hip still hurts, but I kept a really slow pace and tried to enjoy the color changes in the woods. I'm trying to forget about my hip and knee. I'm afraid that I am actually injured and not just hurt.

I ran a twelve with my wife (Laura) and our friend Tracy. I wanted to keep my pace down so I welcomed the company for our last long run of the training. I took a place behind them to let them set the pace. I was really trying not to push the pace and this seemed like the best way. The girls kept a really fast pace and I thought that maybe I could benefit from a little slower, but I'm not gonna be that guy. My hip hurt the whole way and at mile 8, my hip voiced it's opinion on the matter. I stretched at every red light, but I couldn't keep it out. I am actually injured two and a half weeks before the biggest race of my life. I finished strong, but discouraged and angry.

I skipped the 4 and the 5 mile to give my legs some time to rethink their injuries. I
l'll give them a go next week. The long run will be 8 miles. I'll do that first to see where my knees are at and do the rest after.



Sing.
Migrate.

Week XV

Week a XV

34 miles

I started this week with a five mile run from my trustee route from home. I like this one because I don't have to think about my trip and there is a public restroom halfway though. 

I've had the 20 mile peak long run on my mind all weekend and decided to get it over with to get it out of my head. I ran this one at night to avoid the heat. The run started out ok enough. I wasn't feeling it going in, but the first five mile lap was pretty relaxing and I settled in pretty well. I didn't even need a drink during the lap. 

The second five mile lap felt similar. I ate a gel at mile 7 and had only expended about 5oz of water.  By the end of the lap, I had begun to realize this was going to be a fight. 

Lap three was pretty annoying as it was the only period of uphill in the run. I had to stop to use the restroom and found myself in Taylor, which doesn't seem to have sidewalks. I still felt ok. The hip was hurting pretty badly, but my calves and knees were golden. 

Lap four was brutal. It was one dark road without sidewalks after another. The hip became a real problem and now the knees had begun to cramp and tighten. I stopped every mile or two to do a quick stretch, but they weren't getting better. I gave the run over from skill and technique to heart and guts. My pace slowed and I gained about :30 per mile for the final three miles and I reached mile twenty limping in severe pain in the knees mostly. They hurt so bad that I actually forgot about my hip for a moment. I finished with a 9:35/mile pace, which isn't bad, but the pain makes 26.2 miles all the more daunting a task. Took an ice bath and a beer. I'll take a few days off to recover. 

The next two runs were forgettable. The first five miler was painful, but the only injury I feel is my hip. The knees are ok, so I'll chalk that pain up to knee cramping. The next four miler was better. 

Time to taper! Next week will peak at a twelve miler. 

Week XIV

Week XIV
29.8 miles.

Started the week with my 8 miler in the trails from work. It felt a bit labored, so I took the pace back. I'm learning to listen to my body instead of the numbers on my watch.

I coasted through a fun 3.8 with my wife and friends at the RunDetroit beer run, then followed it up with a Growler of Hop-A-Peel. I had a great time and someone who won a raffle gave me a free entry into a 5K next Saturday. If my twenty doesn't tax me too much, I may go for an age group win. It's a small race, so I can probably beat most of the field. But it depends on my legs.

Decided to get to the longish run of the week. I visited RunDetroit to try on some shoes. My Altras was wearing holes in the forefoot. I ended up with a new pair of Newton Gravity III and a pair of CEF compression calf sleeves. I ran the run. I met up with my friend Rudy at mile three and left him at mile nine and finished strong. I was tired on this run. It was a little warmer than last weeks long run, so maybe this was the issue. I ended up with a solid time of 8:58/mile for the run. I felt good about it because this would only be about 4:30 minutes off of my half marathon PR (1:52) if I had kept that pace for that distance. Not too bad. I wasn't trying for speed, so I was happy with it.

I finished the week with a six mile run after work with a very motivated kid from work. Made me feel good to see someone work so hard, using sheer will.

It was a pretty good week. I ended it by watching 4 Minute Mile with my wife. Now I want to run fast, right now. I took about 45 minutes and rolled out the legs and stretched. Every time I do this, I am reminded that taking care of the legs is the best thing you can do as a runner.

I've been thinking about getting a GoPro and filming some of my runs with some commentary. No one is likely to watch them, but I'm sure I will want to when I can no longer run. I'll look into it.



Sing.
Migrate.

Week XIII

Week XIII
34.2 miles.

Started the week off well with a trail run after work with my new and quite sizable run club. It's really nice to have people to run with after work. It takes the monotony out of running the same boring routes, listening to the same boring stuff. I think the run club has reached 11 active members. This is a very large group for one nursing unit. It has meant that I seldom have to run alone, which is cool.

Next run was at Gallup Park after work. Gallup is a flat course, so I preferred it to the trails this day as I was gearing up for my 19 mile long run. Again, the long run has been in my head all week. I got a decent 18 miler in last week, but felt pretty puny at the end, which is discouraging because I still had 8.2 more to go for the marathon.

Did you know that the first person to run the marathon was a courier that was just delivering Jimmy Johns to the King? Did you also know that upon arrival, he promptly died?

In other news, I can't be distracted by these terrible facts. The 19 miler was upon me. Due to schedule constraints, I had to run it in the late afternoon/early evening. I got really lucky with a fast approaching Michigan autumn and the day was chilly. I chose to run this one from home, as Brian couldn't make the date. I decided to run places in my past that spanned a large part of four different cities. I felt great at the start and let the fall air carry me through Wyandotte, to Lincoln Park, to Taylor, and finally Southgate. I hydrated well, but noticeably less than usual. I stopped to eat a gel three times and pushed forward. I was never in trouble on this run. I finished in three hours flat, with a decent pace of 9:39/mile. I felt so relived to be done, but also so ecstatic that I felt so strong during this one. I was encouraged and once again began to believe that I could really do this.

I finished the week with a 5K run (Growler Gallup) and a two mile make-up run to finish the five miles. I drank some beer and celebrated a great week with my family and friends.

I needed this one.

Next up, a step down week.



Sing.
Migrate.

Week XII

Week XII
36 Miles

This was the hottest week of the summer. I don't do well in the heat, so my anxiety woke me up for the first 5 of the week, so I ran with the wife at 4:45 AM. It was humid, but the temp was low so the run was a wet success.

The next day, my heat anxiety got me up at 5:25, just after my wife left for her 8 miler. I pulled myself out of bed and ran 8 beautiful miles in the closing hours of the night at a speedy pace. I got home feeling like I was strong despite the pain in my right hippish area.

The next five I ran in the trails after work and enjoyed most of the run as I do the majority of my trail runs. I opted to run the easy trail course instead of the hard one due to the fear that my legs couldn't handle it. I've been really careful with my legs and treat them like they are a very fragile family heirloom these days. I think I sometimes underestimate myself.

I had a last minute change of plans for the long run (18 miles). I forgot about my fantasy hockey draft, which is one of my favorite days of the year. It fell the night before my long run. A dilemma, as beer is a common temptation at the draft. I was moderate and went to bed at 1:30 am to be up at 7 am. I woke at 3 AM, never to find sleep until I had to be up.

I was nervous about the lack of sleep and the run itself. I had bonked my last three long runs over 14 miles due to the heat, I think. I got up and was determined to be better than what my body had previously allowed. I was scared and embarrassed, but angry enough to find a way to make this one better. I got some luck with the weather.


I ran hard and felt good. My legs started hurting at mile 10, but I kept my mantra repeating in my head that "I am better than this, I have fought through worse, and I can endure any pain left to endure." I powered on at a good pace. I had to stop a few times to stretch out cramps, but I finished on my feet with gas in the tank. I needed this one. I am proud of this run. It made me confident that given a cooler temp, I will be able to achieve my goal of twenty-six point two. The last four miles got hot without shade and I felt it and it put me into the battle again, but it was too late to bonk me. 4 miles isn't enough misery to lay me down.

Next week is 5, 5, 5, 19. Two more long runs until the biggest and most daunting run.




Sing.
Migrate.

Week X1

Week X1
31.43 Miles

I ran 8 miles after work with some friends from work. I like that there are so many people devoted to their health where I work. It always makes it easier to do the right things when other people are participating with you. We ran Gallup and I felt strong.

The next two runs at home were pretty miserable. The humidity has been out of control for the last month and I'm finding it as much of a battle as running in the sun midday. I ran hard nonetheless and finished the runs strong. Watching "Without Limits" one of the Prefontaine movies helped for motivation, so I'm thankful for that.

I met the wife and her running partner for the 13 miler after a 12 hr shift at Gallup Park. I got a couple of friends from work to run some of it with us. Shelly, who is running the Chicago marathon a week earlier than mine, and Rob, the leader of the run club at work. I felt honored to run with him for his longest run ever and watch him finish strong. I felt pretty tired the first 8 miles, but after my friends left me, something inside me turned on and I got negative splits the rest of the way. I felt strong and encouraged. Despite all of the bonking on these long runs, I believe that when the weather cools, I will be ready and motivated.

This is the part of the training that no one likes. This is the gruel. These are hard miles in bad weather conditions. I could run in the rain and snow for hours without issue, but bring out the sun and it's disgusting heat and I get weak.

Next week isn't going to be fun. High humidity predicted again and I have an 18 miler scheduled with RunDetroit on Sunday.

PS: The pic above was chosen because it scares me.




Sing.
Migrate.

Week X

Week X
29.2 miles logged

The week started out strong. I like to get the 8 mile run out of the way to create as much separation as I can between it and the long run. I ran a light 9:46 pace for the 8 miler due to the desire to keep my joints intact for the long run. My right side of my hip on the medial side has a feeling of joint erosion lately and I suspect I have tendonitis from speed work and so many trail runs so fast. I was introduced to running trails less than 6 months ago and I think the hills and surfaces have punished me a bit. Don't care, not gonna stop. I love them too much.

Next run was again after my work shift in the morning. I ran the 4.3 mile loop in the trails with Nick, one of my new running partners. I've found so many great running partners in the last 6 months and it has really taken some of the edge off of the milage. The run was great and fast for me in the trails. 9:13/mile is a bit faster than I usually set out to run them, but it wasn't difficult.

Then the long run. Bonked again. Started at 7 am thinking I would escape the heat, which I am increasingly convinced I am intolerant of. I missed the sun, but I got 98% humidity. Brian and I couldn't even see any part of the sky. Mile 9 came and I was out of water and losing fluid too fast. I got behind my demand for fluids and the life ran out of me. I struggled with breathing, cramping, and started having panic attacks and needed to close my eyes and listen to my breaths to keep moving. We reached water, but the damage was done. I was afraid of my first ever DNF. That would have been lame, so I fought through and finished the miles. I had to catch my breath a lot and went through a lot of water. I left my long run discouraged again, but glad to have been mentally tested. These are the things I believe make a good runner. Running is so much mental and i need to get my butt kicked sometimes to learn to get pissed and try something new and overcome. I took off my last 4 mile run of the week to get my bearings and rest. It took me two days to feel normal again. I cramped for a full day on and off and had a weird hormone thing going on that made me emotional. I didn't cry though, I'm a man. I feel good now.

Next week is a swapped step down week, as we signed up for an 18 mile training run with RunDetroit the following week. I am determined to go into that one angry and find a better way. The long run will be 13 miles. I have secured Nick, my wife, and her running partner Tracy to meet me in Ann Arbor after my shift and put the 13 behind us.

The above picture is of my colossal calf cramp.



Sing.
Migrate.

Week IX- Half Way There. I Will Be Fierce

Week IX
29 Miles

This was a step down week. Nothing eventful happened. I ran the seven miler in Ann Arbor on the flat paved path and ran the little ones at home.

Which brought me to the long run. Bonking on the last 15 and the last 14 had been wreaking havoc on my mind. I was scared of this half marathon. When I think about it, it seems ridiculous because I have stomped out half marathons before. I chose to go at dawn when I got out of work. I took a gamble here. I work twelve hour midnight nursing shifts. I decided to run a half marathon after a twelve hour shift and having been up for 22 hours.

I tricked Justin, my short distance training partner, into running it with me the night before by convincing him that this regular solo training run was a sanctioned half marathon that I would be covering the cost of. I know, I'm a jerk.

We ran the miles and I felt great. I ran fast and strong. I even asked him if he had four more miles in him to do the next weeks seventeen miler instead. He didn't have that much in the tank, but I was proud of him for muscling out a half marathon without notice and running a distance he has only run once before.

It was a great moral boost running the last half mile at a 6:30 pace. I just need to run early. Never, ever, ever again in the sun. Ever.

Ever.






Sing.
Migrate.

Week VIII

Week VIII
30.5 Miles

This was a difficult week for me. It started out with the trails in Ann Arbor for seven miles, which bring me hills. I felt a little torn up in the right hip/hamstring area after. This isn't a new pain, I've been dealing with it for months, but not on this level. It's become a distraction to my success, so I try to ignore it. I don't think it's serious, so I'm gonna train through it and hope it doesn't cripple me.

Isn't that sad? I'm willing to risk being crippled for one accomplishment. Truth is, this race means everything to me. It means I can overcome anything. I've lost a lot in the last five years. I've lost my best friend/brother to suicide. I've lost some fortitude of faith. I've lost that burning will to put the world beneath my feet. I need this. I'm throwing all of me into this. I'm going to run this race for Will and the pain he has left in me. I'm going to run out all of my energy to be angry. I don't want to be angry anymore. Instead, I want to hold my head to the sky and shout in exhausted victory.

I did the two four milers at home. Nothing to write home about. I just ran.

The 15 miler in Traverse City was a different story. We got off to a late start and ended up running almost mid-day. I got to mile 10 before the run became a battle. I knew I was getting tired and depleted and there was nothing I could do right. I drank the water and ate the fuel. But I bonked again. I don't know whats wrong with me in the heat, but it is my Kryptonite. I should probably see a Dr. about heat intolerance, but who has the time for that. I slept all winter with the window open mind you.

I bent over a lot and dropped my sweat onto the pavement and I finished the run. I ran the 15 miles. It wasn't pretty, but nothing I try to do is. I fought hard and refused to give up. That is the positive I'll take from the run. I will not give up before collapse.


Sing.
Migrate.

Week VII

Week VII
30.53

This was a milestone week for me. This was the week that marathon training got real. All of the weeks prior, I knew I had already been prepared to put behind me. Not that miles are ever truly easy, but I knew I wouldn't really be tested much. This was to be the week I put in more miles on average than I have since last summer and the week I ran further than a half marathon.

I wanted to get the moderate distance run out of the way so I did the seven miler first in the trails. I didn't even get lost. I was proud of that. I moved on to the two four milers, one at home and the other a 5.5 miler in the trails. Anything outside of the trails have become a bit boring for me.

I ran the final run, the long run today. I won't run the long ones in places that I've already run and found to be boring, so I found a rail trail in West Bloomfield and ran the fourteen miler there. I didn't plan well for this one. I found out last minute that I had to run it the next day due to scheduling conflicts, and alone as well. I didn't eat a good dinner the night before and could not drag myself out of bed early in the morning. I ended up doing the very thing I said I would not do again. I set off to run midday at 2PM. The sun was on top of me without tree cover. I filled my water bottle with Nuun, but ran out quickly and had to refill four times throughout the run do to the loss of sweat. I ate a salted watermelon Gu which severely wrecked my stomach and I had to stop twice at the porta-john to "Rectify" the situation (see what I just did)? The Gu also tasted terrible. After the issues resolved, I got a much needed boost after two Gu's and one Sportbean pack.

The sun hid a bit behind some clouds for a few miles and I got a little break form the big hot star and eased into my normal pace. My legs felt pretty good and I knew I was hydrated properly. I was concerned and convinced that I hadn't taken in enough calories, specifically carbohydrates, but I fought on anyway. The rail trail was a boring out and back, much less interesting than the website made it out to be, but that is America. No one tells the truth. The ground beneath me was crushed stone and easy on the joints which added a little upside to an otherwise forgettable run. Finished the run with a 9:35/mile pace and quickly retreated to pizza at home.

All in all, this "Nature preserve" enlightened me to the very aggressive geese, who have protruding tongues, a few chipmunks, and a really fast snake which presented itself only when I was about to step on it, sending me into a wild man dance to get away.

It was a tough weak that marks the start of all of the tough weeks. I promise I will not make the midday run mistake again.

My take home, because if you aren't learning you're dead...runners need fuel. Do not run without properly adding energy stores.


Sing.
Migrate.

Week VI

Week VI
21.03 Miles.

This was a step back week. I logged a couple of three milers at home to get the legs back under me after the previous week. Chose to add a speed work day with Justin, unbeknownst to him until the half mile mark when I picked up the pace to 6:30 until mile 1.5, then tapered down into the low to mid 7's. I think Justin secretly likes the torture, sadistic freak show that he is.

Ran a 6 mile trail run midweek to work on my strength of mind and legs. I found a little community park by my work in Ann Arbor that provides 3 miles of trails, so I ran it twice.

Brian and I smashed a quick (for us) 9 mile run around and inside Belle Isle to round out the step back week.

Next week, the training gets real as everything steps up a level. 4, 7, 4, 14. I'm working on planning the long one with Brian, then will tackle the following week's 15 in Traverse City with the Mrs.

Training get tiring, but my feel good. Only minor aches and pains. I feel strong, I think do to the trail runs with their steep hills.


Sing.
Migrate.

Week V

Week V
24.2 Miles

Started the week a little sore from the Tough Mudder. Ran 3 miles at Niagara Falls with my wife waterside before we left to go home. I took a look at my schedule and realized that I was going to have a 6 day stretch at work and my long run of 12 miles would have to be done at the beginning of the week just two days after the Mudder. I wasn't too pleased and Brian (my training partner) was tied up at work until the end of the week. I was able to grab Justin Q (a short distance training partner) and con him into doing 12 with me. I caught him on a good day I guess, or perhaps a bad one that needed some venting and we drove downtown to log miles.

The Polar Vortex reared it's ugly head again, except this time it wasn't so ugly. Temps dropped into the mid sixties at run time in the evening, making it ideal weather to run in. I brought this mammoth camelback that wears like a fanny pack instead of a backpack. The pack holds about 44 oz. I took a few strides with it and turned right back around and put it back in the car. The bouncing wasn't gonna work for me. I grabbed a smaller bottle and we took off. There were so many people downtown running and we even ran through a 5K in progress. Felt a little tight at mile 9 and felt pain in the joints at mile 10, but I finished strong and held a 9:42 pace. This is still slow for the pace I'll need to run sub-4 hr in the marathon, but i was ok with it nonetheless.

Took a day off and ran a slow 3 mile recovery, then a 6 miler the same day to finish the week.

I feel strong and confident going into another step-back week with 9 miles being the peak long run. I'll do most of the runs on the trails. I've found that I enjoy the trails so much more than the pavement and have added at least one trail run per week to my training. The hamstrings hurt after due to the hills, but it is so serene and beautiful. I shed the headphones and listen to the wildlife and leaves and I end my run feeling really good. I have yet to have a bad trail run. To save my tailbone from injury in falling in the trails, I bought a pair of Altra Lone Peak 1.5 on Super Clearance from Runningwarehouse.com for $63. Score. I can't begin to tell you how happy I am with my road Altra Torins, so these are likely not to disappoint.




Sing.
Migrate.

Week IV

Week IV
24 miles

This was supposed to be a step back week, but I opted to run the Tough Mudder in NY this week, so it is doubtful i'll get much resting done. Easy week all around. I ran a couple trail runs, one at home, and the Mudder. I came home sick in the throat from the Mudder. I may have taken in some bad water in a pit somewhere, but I came home pretty healthy and without excessive battering.

It was an uneventful week in running for me. I had a great time at the Mudder though with my wife and friends.


Sing.
Migrate.

Week III

Week III.
29.5 miles logged

Legs felt weak for the shorter runs. Pace was slow. I'm used to an 8:30/mile as a comfortable place to be. Seemed to be staying around 9:00/mile for some reason. It was pretty hot and muggy out, so I'll blame that. Still feel a little bummed about my last long run and I was dreading the 11 miler scheduled for this week. It was supposed to be a step-back week, but I am going back Up North, so I'll take the opportunity to run the long miles there.

Brought 40oz of water with me, knowing there was a store about halfway if I needed to refill. I ate well the day before and filled up with carbs the morning of the long one. I caught a break with the weather. The humidity cleared out and the temperature dropped into the 60's at run time (9 am). I started running and never felt a moment of struggle the entire 11 miles. I kept a 9:30/mile pace, which is a little slower than the pace I hope to maintain for the marathon. I ran the first half with caution and stayed at about 9:50/mile or so to test my energy and legs and made up some time on the way back. I felt awesome after the run and encouraged that the run was so easy.

Ended the week at home with a recovery run with my son, which offered me the wonderful opportunity to coach his form and teach him breathing. Running with my child is a priceless time worth everything to me.

Next week is a step-down week.

Sing.
Migrate.

Week II

The view from inside my pack. My abdomen takes photos during my run and even posted one to Instagram. 

Week II.
22 miles.
Home from the beauty of Mackinac and back into the meat grinder. Miles seem days longer when you have nothing new to look at. Came in to the week pretty buzzed from my runs Up North. Flew through the first 13 miles of the week with ease. Even bought a new watch. The Sportwatch was losing mileage when I paused it for street waiting/crossing, so I picked up the Garmin 220 for myself and the wife (I'm awesome I know).

Then the long run came. Planned a nice bike path run in Flatrock with my training partner Brian. Decided to go at 1 PM in 86 degree heat 86% humidity. It seemed like a good choice at the time. I'm used to morning runs and just came out of my most productive winter running season in my history, logging >100 miles each month. I guess I forgot about the heat and the sun being directly overhead at 1 PM. There was no cloud cover or shade and only brought 16 oz of water with me.

Mile 4.5 was when it occurred to me that I wasn't feeling well. Mile 6 is when I realized my sweat had turned to salt on my face and my skin produced no sweat. The last three miles of the 9 were hellish as I fought myself to keep running. I just could not find any energy. It was rather embarrassing as 9 miles isn't a long way for me.

I left the week pretty discouraged and down on myself.



Sing.
Migrate.

Week I

Week 1
21 miles logged.

It was an easy first week of marathon training. I had the luxury of going Up-North for the brunt of it, running 12 of those miles around Lake Superior on Mackinac Island. While the rest of my peers had to train in 90 degree humidity and rain, I was fortunate enough to have sunny 60 degree weather.

There is something profoundly different in the experience of running in the city, with it's cars, curbs, and monotony, and running in the places that man hasn't wrecked yet.

I was having a hard time sleeping during my vacation due to my midnight work schedule and everyone getting up early. I was lying in bed on Wednesday and decided to fill my time more wisely than just lying there trying to doze off. So I got up at 5am and ran 8 miles before the island awoke.

These are the runs that separate running from any other sport. These are the runs that are the difference between running for pleasure and running to log miles. 

Sing.
Migrate.

The Finish Line

You get cut and you bleed. The blood runs down your leg and mixes with the sweat and disappears into your sock. Someone is stabbing you in the hip with a knife 90 times per minute, even turning it when you climb hills. You're guts want to spill out and your knees gradually get closer to being just bones rubbing together.

You have been battling your mind for miles. You want to go home and be showered already, without the work of the water. You could eat and drink and sleep for hours smiling. But you don't do those things yet. Their going to get done, just not until you pass under that inflated sign that says you can breathe and collapse now.

It's not about notoriety, acknowledgement, or showing off. It's about changing your life. I think people run because they have this innate desire to give all that they have in their bodies and souls and minds and be left still standing. People weep at the finish line not because of pain, well that too, but because they gave every ounce of life into that race and are now able to rest. They can now let the demons go. Whatever they are chasing or running from has been defeated and has drawn back, for now, and it's time to breathe and laugh and weep. You took on the hardest battle and gave it hell enough for it to retreat and now you stand at the finish line in victory.

This is the feeling that runners covet.





Sing.
Migrate.

See You At The Finish

I ran and I ran and I ran. I ran against the wind, over the snow banks and across the ice rinks that froze into my path. I ran against the winter. I have nothing to run for most days. Most days I run because I have made an oath that should not be broken. This day I ran against the winter. I ran when I didn't feel like going out again in another blistering cold morning or another lonely dark night. Some nights I run to release my anger. This night was directed at no one in particular. I just wanted to defeat something that cannot be controlled.

This is when you know you aren't going back to sitting on that couch. You're body and mind are against it. You must run. You must go free.

It's been a couple of great weeks of running. No real pains. No significant snow. Just cold. I can handle cold as long as it leaves it's precipitation behind. This weekend is the CF Half Marathon. I am so excited to run this with my friends. This isn't a race I have a desire to PR or a desire to make any goals in. I love the cause and I love my friends that are running it with me. I'm gonna take it slow and have a great time. Sometimes I forget that running isn't all about competitive times and meeting goals. Sometimes it's just about the sweat and the next step in front of you. Sometimes you just have to laugh with the people around you then have a beer with them after.

I love running and I love my friends. This will be a great month to hit the pavement and watch the weather change.

I'll see you at the finish friends.






Sing.
Migrate.

Green

Been a while since I logged anything significant. Last time I wrote I was taking a four day break from running to assess the damage to my knees. After four days off, my first run was a little sore which left me discouraged. The next day, I learned that every day is a different day. The pain I felt the day before was absent from my four mile run the next. I ran for the next six days without pain, took a day off, and ran five more. I have been taking the pace easy and not running more than six miles to be safe, but I think I'm out of the woods.

I was able to hit my goal of 100 miles for February bringing me to month ten of doing so. The winter has been harsh to say the least and I am stronger, but slower. I've become accustomed to taking my pace down to about 9/min miles to avoid splitting my head open and turning the white snow red. I will have to start some speed work when it's safe to breathe the air again to get my pace up.

Tomorrow I will run the Kona St. Pats day 10K, then hightail it to Corktown to run the 5K. It's going to be challenging given I will have one hour to get from Plymouth to Detroit and park to hit the start on time. I would have just done the Dublin Double, but Corktown is sentimental to my wife and I as it is both of our first races.

Picked up a new pair of shoes today at REI for some speed work. My Ghost 6's are a bit heavy for speed, so I grabbed some Brooks Pureconnect 2's for $44. I won on that deal I think.

Well, this was an extremely boring post, but I wanted to put it down. Like running, not everything is a PR, so I'll keep writing even when things are a bit boring.

Oh, also I got new running sunglasses. I picked up some Team USA Oakley's because...Merica.





Sing.
Migrate.

Four Days

Four Days...

Static in training. I've been sidelined. I'm not ready to admit I'm injured, but the two six mile runs over the weekend put my knees into a bad way at work. I have the luxury this month to have four days off and still have a chance to hit my one-hundred mile goal. I will complete the goal with a five mile run on Friday; God willing. Hopefully four days will be enough to shake off what's left of any inflammation. I'm on day two and feel like I could have run it today. For once though, I'm going to play it safe and take the whole four days and continue a stretching regimen.

Sometimes things like injuries and setbacks in life are demoralizing. There is this heart-hurt that happens when our spirits desire to do what our bodies cannot do, at least when we want them to.

Friday I'm gonna run. If I run without pain, I'm gonna laugh and run like the devil. But if I take a knee, I'm going to have to quit this one-hundred mile challenge and call myself injured, taking the necessary steps to rehab my legs. Wish me luck.

Sing.
Migrate.

The Beast That Chases

I work in an environment that sees a lot of death; death everyday. Although I am sentimental, I am not particularly emotional in my nature. I joke instead. If you walk into a room where I am doing CPR, you will likely laugh at me, but feel guilty at laughing at my irreverence for this moment in this person's life that may be the second most defining moment they have experienced, right after birth. The patient may die and I will walk out of the room, wipe off the sweat, and go about the rest of my day as if someone with a soul and deep thoughts hadn't just ended his stay here in this world beneath my pumping hands. Their family will scream and fall on top of him or her and wail and need a dozen boxes of Kleenex. I am sentimental, so I am usually good with families in distressing times, but I am not particularly emotional so I won't cry with them. In fact, I will forget about them in a days time, maybe before my badge swipes into another twelve hour shift.

This doesn't mean I don't feel it. We all feel the dread of death. I lost my best friend/brother on Christmas of 2009. I have felt the thickness of grief and have been in the valley of the shadow of death. I understand the emotions that death and even the thought of death bring. But I do not express it emotionally, only sentimentally, with words written down.

The truth is that death leaves a heaviness in my guts; a heaviness that has to be lifted. So I run. My co-workers don't see me experience the weight, but they also don't understand why I will run everyday after a 12 hour work day. I run so I can smile and be free of the things that cause heaviness in the guts. When I run, sometimes I can feel it leaving. Sometimes I can feel it fighting back, trying to remain. I get angry and push harder, gasping for breath, determined to outrun the beast that chases me.

Until it's gone.



Sing.
Migrate.

Training Log 2.13-2.19

Training log from 2/13-2/19

 

2.13- Four miles around the house- pain in both knees and the right hip. Uneven surface and uncleared walks. Cold to the bones. Am I hurt or injured? Hurt.

 

2.15- Four miles. Again the pain. Starting to nag at me, forcing me to stop to stretch every 3/4 mile or so. Ran decently fast for the surface at 08:40/mile. I've sworn off Yaktrax for the season as I believe they are adding to the pain problems by forcing my feet side to side. Not sure though. Am I hurt or injured? Hurt.

 

2.16- Five miles. First half was encouraging with the knees. Hip was numb, but the knees started rattling at 2.5 and made the rest of the run pretty miserable. Still cold, negative wind chill. I should run later in the day on these cold days. Am I hurt or injured? Hurt.

 

2.17- Four miles. 3rd worst run this year. Pace was crawl, legs hurt from the first mile on. The snow has melted on the walk. These are my least favorite conditions to run in. Every step brings with it a white slurpee that kicks piles onto the other foot. Temp was lower and comfortable, but I'd take sub-zero over water-logged socks. Holding back swears every time I splash into an unseen puddle. Had to stop every half mile to stretch the knees. Took to the street for a few, but cars purposely speeding up and splashing me. Am I hurt or injured? Hurt?

 

2.19- Warmest day since Jan. 1 and I am on the treadmill. I hate the mill, but I need a flat surface. Waited for the pain at mile 1.3, but it never really came in full force. I felt it, but it wasn't stopping me. Left the gym feeling good about it. I think I'll have to keep to the mill until the pain is dulled or gone. Am I hurt or injured? Hurt.

 

Excited for the Rock CF half marathon next month. I have a lot of friends running it, so I am excited to run with familair faces. I have no aspirations of trying to run it fast, I'm going to loaf it laughing. February having 28 days is a serious detriment to my ninth straight month of running 100 miles or more. This has been the first time I doubted reaching it. 74.6 miles down with 9 days remaining. I'll hopefully get in two days off before I begin my quest to defeat March.

 

Sing.

Migrate.

Training Report 2/8-2/12

Interesting last few days. 2/8- 2/12

Sat. 2/8- Four miler around the neighborhood. Bad footing still due to ice refrozen beneath the snow, after a fresh 2 1/2 inches. Used the Yaktrax for this one. Ran at a 09:17 pace, which isn't disappointing for me considering the conditions.

2/10- Ran 11.2 with Tim Johnson (Teeeeeej) and David White (My new friend who hasn't been given his nickname yet). 9:45/mi pace with a major stop due to incapability issues between the Gu I ate and my stomach. Thanks God for little hole in the wall diners. Tweaked my left knee somewhere during mile 10. Felt a twinge, but felt it really good later. Hip has been bugging me for a week or so, tolerable, but now a little more tender. Felt good with the distance, could have gone much further I think. Taking the day off on the 15th to rest my pains.

2/12- 5.1 at Gallup Park in Ann Arbor on the way home from a work thing. Trail was clear and pretty. Felt the knee and hip, but got through encouraged that the damage isn't serious. Still concerned mildly about it. I will probably run three more 4 milers this week depending on pain.

I'm on month 8 of my goal of an entire year running 100 miles per month. Last month was difficult due to weather, but I succeeded. I am ahead of the game right now at 49.6 miles behind me with 15 days remaining.

Feeling a bit discouraged with the pain in the legs. I don't get tired anymore and feel like I want to set really big goals, but every time I turn a corner, my joints revolt. The upside is that I think the uneven surfaces from running almost exclusively outdoors have strengthened my legs and helped my stamina. I just hope my joints will be ready for the rigors of a marathon and it's training schedule. My spirit feels ready now.



Sing.
Migrate.

Beginnings

You step out the door into the night air. Your breath billows clouds from your mouth. The air is so dry and crisp you can actually feel it as it fills your lungs. You look around at your neighborhood and all are asleep. The neighborhood that used to glimmer with lights is now dark and cold. The drips from the ice-cycles that fell in the sun have frozen again, advancing the length of the crystal scepter. You take a deep breath and produce a dense fog, running through it as it dissipates into the air. This will be the start of your day. It might as well be the start of your life. This run is the only thing going on in your mind. All of the stress is gone. There is only you and the air you suck in and blow out as the blood pumps faster and faster to your organs. The heat inside will become heat outside soon as you wince in the cold air.

The demons of yesterday are defeated with every mile. There is no better way to gain control over what happens in your life than sweating and panting as the rest are comfortable on their couches and beds. Beating your body into submission is the ultimate meditation. You fight and you win and you breathe. You learn the most efficient way to breathe and move and push yourself past the things you never thought you could do. This has become my addiction.

I started running at the beckoning of my wife who had been running for a year. She told me she wanted to have a hobby other than television in common with me. She had signed up for the St. Patrick's Day Corktown 2011 5K and asked me to run too. I told her no way. Running is terrible and I would stick to weight lifting and cross-training. As the date closed in, I looked at the tech shirt and said, "Cool shirt, maybe I'll run it." I ran 1.5 miles on the treadmill that day and got off in boredom, assuming that if I can run 1.5, I can run 3.1. So that was that. My wife rolled her eyes at me because I have always been cocky and this is her normal response to that. I ran the 5K without any real incident. I limped the last half mile or so do to a calf cramp, but ended up crossing the finish line in 33:19.

I thought the run sucked so I decided not to run again. So I didn't until one day out of boredom in my workout routine I stepped onto the treadmill during a time that my anxiety problem was bad. I started running and things started to feel different. My sweat became a release. I turned the mill up and ran faster and realized that something in me was changing.

Running is tailor made to my disposition. I am terribly competitive if you challenge me and never really shook off that grundge 90's teenage angst. Running gave me a constant competitor...myself. If I win or lose, it will be my victory or my defeat. I can own it and blame no one.

I needed a channel to put my bad things. This was the perfect place to leave my anger...underfoot in the miles beneath me. I've come a long way through injuries and disappointment and success. Running is now more who I am than what I do.




Sing.
Migrate.

An Introduction

"I've been running a lot for the past 6 months. I think I can't stay away from the feeling of balance and gratitude I get when I have to fight, and win.

Today it was raining freezing water onto the earth by my house. I got home from work dreading the feeling of ice cold water dripping down the middle of my back, paralyzing me with that awful bone chill. I put on my shoes and my gamer wife strapped on hers too, even when she was sick today. We set off for 5 miles in this mess. During my first quarter mile I stepped in my first huge puddle and filled my shoes with cold gelatinous fluid hell bent on wrapping it's tentacles around each individual toe and strangling it to death. I then repeated the puddle incident over and over for the next 48 minutes. When I got home, I got in the shower filled with endorphins from my victory over the elements and my own personal discomfort. As I was feeling the stabbing pain of my sensation coming back into my toes as the hot water thawed them, I had a thought. Very rare thought. It is when the conditions are uncomfortable that you really learn to fight. When you are wanting out and fight to the death you build perseverance. This is mental training. These are the times that you really get the good stuff. You may hate it at the time, but when it's over and you are still standing, you realize that there isn't much that can stop you. 

The wise runner will lace them up in 6 inches of snow, icy sidewalks and trails, freezing rain, staggering wind, the dead of night, the mist of the morning, in anger and sadness, when ill, when exhausted from a horrendous day at work, when your legs hurt, and especially when you want to give up. These are the very moments that train you to push on both to the next mile and in your life."

The above was a post I wrote a couple of months ago before the "Polar Tarantula" or whatever descended from Santa's home to mine. Almost two solid months of the worst running conditions possible. Snow, ice, -30 Degrees, wind, snow, -40 degrees. I hate running indoors. I didn't get addicted to running by running indoors. I want to see the world, even if it is the same stretch of world many times a week. I get to be chased by dogs and slip and fall dodging a car. I get to step in cold puddles and battle my bowels with only trees in sight. 

This blog will speak about my own personal experience with running and with life. I'll post running logs, race journals, and minor and major victories and defeats on my way to running my first full marathon next October. 

If you have been reading my insearchofwhales.com blogs, I will be ending these the same way as I end those; with the words "Sing." "Migrate." For those new to my blogs, these words are referencing studies that have shown that whales in captivity do not sing as they do when in the wild. When in the wild, whales sing to find each other and migrate to find one another. In captivity, there is no one to find and no where to go. This has inspired my life because I believe we are nothing without each other and need each other desperately for happiness. So I sing and I migrate, in search of the rest of you. 

Sing.
Migrate.